fanFICTION: A Princess Bride: Waiting for Westley(Oct.6th, 2006)

He had left me today. I watched him walk from me. I stood wishing he would turn one last time. The time came when I could no longer see him. I turned to walk back to the cottage. Only horrid images going through my head. He’s screeching scream at sea as a blade hits his heart…no I mustn’t think these things. The sun has fallen, I must do my chores for night and get an early sleep, and maybe my dreams will comfort me.

…

It is in the middle of the night, the moon is bright against the unusably dark sky. I had awaked from a dream not long ago. I saw wetly covered in blood staring deep into my eyes. I stood motionless just staring down at him. Cold…watching him dies. This went on more cruelly…I barely can write this now. Tears stain the pages and smear the ink. In my dream also his last breathe with my name. Gasping for breath, choking on blood and spit. I looked to my right hand and at my dress after he had died. Red...A red dagger...red hands…I killed him and my face was still cold, motionless. I rose from my bed in a cold sweat. I passed back and forth across the floor in front of the fire. Was Westley dead? Had he gotten on the ship alright? Will I hear from him?

…

I stopped writing last because my hands were shaking. It is morning now and I write this on a stool in the corner of the cow stalls. I saw a messenger on the road…in fear of bad news I fled to hide. He is knocking on the cottage door now…I can’t hide forever.

…

The messenger found me. It took him a while. What lead him to me was when backing farther into a corner I sliced my arm on a stray nail out of the wood. He looked alarmed and frightened when he saw me. He approached me very gently. He bandaged my arm and led me to the cottage. I spoke. “Do you bare grave news?” He responded. “Malady, I do not wish you give you an answer at this moment.” I shrunk from him. To a corner beside the fire place. I huddled myself for warmth. I felt very cold and ill. He reached his hand out. I swatted him away and spat out “Get away from me you fealty mourn giver.” I shook frostily, glaring at him, knowing he wasn’t even responsible for the horrible news that could only be about my Westley. He backed away from me and kept his hands visible. When he reached the door he hung his head and announced. “Westley’s ship was attacked by pirates. D-Dread Robert’s...m-M’lady” And he fled as I reached for a pot above the wash bowl.

…

It’s been 2 nights since I wrote last. I had stayed in that same corner hugging the washing pot. Rocking and groaning, weeping. Inside I had died and I did not eat nor sleep it hope I would soon be dead also. Before I had sat down to write this I had gone into a fit of rage. I threw that washing pot, I struck the floor until my knuckle bleed. I screamed for Westley. “HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME AND DIE!” I cried, clawing the walls. Foul language spewed forth cursing Westley…Cursing myself…CURSING DREAD ROBERTS! My hands are red, my nails sawed raw. Bits of blood are staining the paper. Blood and tears that is all of left of me…

…

The Prince has asked me to marry him and I am to be showed off at the courtyard today. I am sitting behind a wall in a dressing room he had given me to get dressed in fine cloth. It’s been quite a long time since I had written last. A neighboring commoner found me bleeding to death in the stables. Gruesome things I had tried with the hook have to bleed the sorrow from me… I was pale and weak. The old woman cared for my wounds and feed me wheat mush. I slept…I slept and slept, too deep for any dream’s that would torture me. But it only took those last 4 minutes of slumber to awaken me when purpose in my life. In my dream I was being held by a lean man in a black girly shirt. I wasn’t frightened, but warm and smiling. I had curled up in his lap like a child hugging his neck. His face was a blur of flesh tone and a black stripe. I felt peace and love. When I suddenly awoke and the commoner was startled out of her chair I repeated the word’s he said. “Your one crazy b…” Oh well I forgot the rest but it was something important and should be held close to my heart.  I must be going, I hear my name, though still feel lonely inside maybe something good will come out of this.

Helping Over A Distance (Sept. 26th, 2009)

On a cold winter day, I unexpectedly made a new friend over the Internet, on a popular chat site. While lounging about on a social room, I began to randomly talk to someone who wasn’t getting noticed. We chatted over our schools, what we loved, and was music we like. Soon it became a daily encounter and we got to know more and more about each other.

 Not long after meeting John, the said boy, received grave news from his father. His father was diagnosed with stomach and colon cancer. I made it clear to him I would always be there for him. Though the limitations of the distance between us didn’t allow a true connection, my words comforted him. He would have bursts of anger and frustration in school that he would tell me about. I would patiently give him alternatives to his emotions he was feeling at this time. I had determined to help him with skills he could use in the future. As we both grew over the years, I noticed how he became more mature and took my advice to heart.

 John’s father’s cancer was progressively eating away at his health, but he stayed strong for his family. I had never again had the opportunity of getting this close to as strong of a man as John Tanta Sr. Not only his courage with cancer reflected his mental strength, but how he prepared his family for his foreseen end was as brave as any man could get.

 To conclude this essay, I will close with the ending passage from a tribute biography for John’s father.

 “…I didn’t expect something like my dear friends father dyeing. It surprised me how fast that kind of news can hit you. It got me thinking about what I was saying to him. And how much I didn’t think while saying things. To me I sounded like some person that is standing there and nods and looks sad while people are crying because what I’ve said sounded so planned out. These things we say and how we say them, it all goes back to what we picked up. We have an assumption that the things other people say in a time of grieving is all we can say. But the thing is, we have nothing else to say but what we learned. Because, though death is in the world every day, we don’t have to personally deal with it until it is in our way. I wanted what I say to have at least an ounce of originality buts it’s not in me. This is when online chatting become the coldest. I was with him always as words and that was the most I could give him. I know now I am not more than just words to him. And I have always been a real person apart of John’s life and his family. Just as John was a part of my daily conversation for these years we spent together, my family made him apart of us. We have affected each other’s lives and it seems the day we will stop talking will never come. And I hope it won’t ever come. Through time, things and people change, memories held dear won’t fade. John Tanta Sr. is no longer here with us but the happy memories with him will stay with his family, his fans, his friends, and some girl in Arkansas that is close to his son. I’ll end this tribute and bibliography saying John Tanta was a great man that changed lives and his son will grow to be just as great and just as kind….”

     -A Tribute to John Tenta Sr. by Marcie Carelock

Boys and Drama: On the internet love as a young teen girl. (2005)

I don’t get the drama llama emote. But that's not the point. It's the internet. When I was 13 I started getting into the internet. I learn a lot of things. I know a lot about different kinds of people. Different cultures were introduced. I had a since of reality I couldn’t get from my little town. People that changed my life the most were over the internet. I was shaped into this sympathetic complex girl. In the real world in just a host for my thoughts. Some things leak out into everyday actions with friends, and every mood I host is utility me. Sure I’ve had a couple of crushes but I had my first LOVE through the internet.

I was 14 and was talking to the same guy for over a year now. I truly thought was I felt was love. The butterfly’s when he signs on, the complete uncontrolled of thoughts when talking to him. I would talk to him every day. But the scariest part was if when daddy unplugged the computer I would go completely berserk. I was afraid something would happen if I didn’t have the internet. I'd break down and cry in a corner until the next day he would have mercy on me and plug it back up. On a new game that boy introduced to me he introduced me to a few of his real friends. There was one boy that was fun to talk to and I introduced my best friend to him. My friend and his friend became internet go and bf.

That one guy that was his friend told me a secret that was up to him to tell. We were walking around alone on that game and he told me that he was in the 6th grade. I was in 8th. I just laughed at first until I broke down crying and I was hysterical. I was saying crazy stuff so the guy just took it back and said he was lying because he was jealous. I believed this after I confirmed with the boy if it was a lie of not. He said of course it’s a lie, do you trust me or him. Eventually his friend had a conversation with him over AIM and showed me that it was the truth. I talked to the boy and he's reason was that he was too far into our relationship to lose it. I stopped loving him but he turned out just to be like the little neighbor boy or something. I was more like his big sister. I was 13 when he was 10 when we meet each other. He said he was 15.

Before I knew this though I nearly meet him in person. He cussed me out in an email in attempt to make me just not want to anymore. My DAD arranged to go to his house. It really surprised me. I just slipped down to the floor board and peeked out of the window while daddy practically stopped in front of his house. If I was anybody else I would have just gotten it over with. But I respected his wishes.

His friend though actually started calling my best friend. There first two conversation were long and went well then it was that she would just ignore him for 10 minutes. The first time he called I was 3 waged it was like that for a while until they just stopped calling me. But he had my number. IF he couldn’t find her he would call me looking for her. When she spent the night we would talk on the 2 house phones. I and he would talk while she put down the phone and watched TV. Soon after he just started calling me. We would talk every night for hours we had the most in common. But technique he and my friend were still "going out". They wouldn’t talk when he was on AIM either. He tried to get me to break up with her for him. I said that was his job. He FINALY did it while she was at MY HOUSE on AIM. She just stood up and went in the living room. After she left, I talked to him more scolding him for doing that. It took me months after that for her to tell me that hurt her a lot.

He was the 3rd boy I feel in love with. It went well until that love business. He said it got to serious and I was a drama queen. I told lacy about it, she says she hates in for calling me that. Before he told me he never wanted to talk to me again I tried to get away from him. I wasn’t attracted to him, like I was before... He cared about to much what people thought about him. He wanted to try drugs and alcohol and his will power wasn't strong enough. It was his Emo phase. Pity became the only reason to keep talking to him. Plus, his logic was, there isn’t a way to truly love someone if you can't touch them. That straight out mocked me. Sure to feel the sensual side of love you have to be together. But I think love can be a strong emotion towards someone that makes the most difference in your life. And he didn’t understand it.

After he told me he never wanted to talk to me again, sure I was depressed little. But I had to get over it. I moved on. I told you he was the 3rd. Well before him there was a boy named Wes. I meet him on that game I meet that other guy. While that guy was gone for a month I started hanging out with him. Well I blocked out a lot of that but this is the summary. I followed him around like a dope. He had an internet go that he cared about and an ex go that wanted to be with him after her ex said it wasn’t working out . He left his then go to be with his ex whose bf still talked to her. They both didn’t work out and he went with one of his girlfriends. SHE told ME I needed to stay away from "her man". That was the last straw, because the whole time I was his support through all those girl troubles. I told him in completely getting out of it and stopped talking to him.

A month later he emailed me saying that he needed me in his life. So I talked to him again on AIM. We got together on that game and had a fun time. He had a cell phone then so we started talking on the phone. We talked 8 hours a day for a week pretty much. I told him I loved him and he said I love you too. I thought I found an answer to my depression problem. When I went on a vacation with my mom and other family I got a cell phone. I would call him every night at 9 when my free minutes started. I didn’t know he would get used to that. When I got back home he hardly ever called me. He would forget about me. A dust up to a couple of days ago I found out that when he can call me he is on that game with his internet go. It was starting all over again. So I told him he wasn’t worth the emotion of love and in treating him like just a friend. I noticed all I did was apologizing to him and he never said 1 sorry to me for hugging my phones curls up on the couch near to tears. He never apologized for making me cry and making me love him.

That 3rd love guy got back in my life again after he started talking to me again on aim. He said his life was hell without me. And that he loved me. I started talking to him again and I tried to get him out of my life because he made me aware of how was was playing me. I actually got mad at him and told him why couldn’t you of just left me oblivious and happy. He shows me more attention then

Kyle Tonaus; A Bibliography (August 03,2006)

Today Thursday, august 03, 2006 at currently 2:48 am, I sit here late at night reading a very inspiring story. It was a biography written about the man who it was about. I haven’t finished it yet but I'm really hoping too after I’m the first person to write a bibliography of that man in my own words. Well were shall I begin…probably best to say who I’m writing about. He’s name is Kyle Tonaus, and I'm pretty sure he’s going to be a well-spoken name. Well let’s see, how I meet him.
 Well I searched the word seduction on yahoo, funny how randomness and lead you. I searched that on videos and what I came up with was one of Kyle homemade videos with his friends John Mast, Dan Kelly, And Mark…hmmm… I don’t know his last name. The video was called seduction 2 and after laughing and showing it to my friends I decided to search around on his site, fantasticfive.net. I didn’t get to watch them all that night so I added the comedy page to my favorites. I enjoyed them all and some I even watch 2 to 3 more times. I scanned the home page and saw AIM screen names. With girlly glee I added them all on my friend list. First I talked to Dan. I tried to be random and mysterious but to my dismay I left my Myspace link I'm my profile. Had a fun chat and he knew me as the Pixie due to strange events in dialogue? The next day I got to talk to my new favorite person, Kyle Tonaus.  I claimed my place as the number one fan.  

Every Monday night I would talk to him while he updated the site and right when I wake up Tuesday I check to see what I find. I’ll review his week’s videos and in a professional uphold laughing nearly to tears then picks my top one or 3 video’s and sign the book of stars. We have had some real conversations to and he’s a great person to get to know. Hopefully one day his dreams of being a famous comedian/movie maker come true, so I can come to his premiers in a jet plane sent by him, loll. All he needs in support to keep his confidence together long enough to hit a big show. He’s still young, he can make it.

I’ve talked to all the fantastic five members but none as much as Kyle. John Mast was an apprentice in Kyle’s movies back in high school. I talk to him often but much less. Mostly about the band he’s in, Nava. I haven’t talked to Dan sense a couple of times after I first talked to him. But I keep updating with him on Myspace. I’ve talked to Jesse once I think, it was a fun conversation, and he hasn’t got on since then. I’ve talked to mark, but it wasn’t a conversation, I just introduced myself and said that I was the fantastic fives number one fan; he said that was cool, not much after that. I’ve talked to Jim, not many times, but enough. Even when he’s on I don’t talk to him, he intimidated me. But at least I can say, I’ve talked to them all.
 I guess now this is the end. I’m going to stay with my duty as number one fan and advertise all I can even with my current SoCal status. I'm glad I got to be a part in this group of guy’s lives, even if I'm only a fraction. The work of Kyle is going to get bigger into the future of entertainment. And I’ll stay here to be the little cheer on. There are more people like me out there, and I'm going to help get this to them. Plus, Kyle rules and everyone should love him and his comedy-y-ness. ^. ^
                                                                                        By Marcie Carelock       
                                                                                        Thursday, August 03, 2006
                                                                                         3:32 AM  

An Email to Jhonen Vasquez (2007)

Though I have doubts on this email address, I suppose I’ll fling my nonsense in cyberspace anyway. My name is Marcie; I am fascinated with your mind. ...Don’t I sound like a creepy stalker fan girl here... I do hope I don't seem like everyone else to you. That would be the last thing I’d want for you passing me up as "another one". As I said in my subject I'd like a conversation with you. I was more fascinated by your words in the beginning of the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac then the actual comic. Though I’ve read in an online interview (I had to violate the internet to learn more about you, it was irresistible) where you said what you say in the beginning was to go along with the comic more than your actual self. But as I read it began saying what I’ve told myself. For the past week I have been thinking about the conversations we could have if I ever meet you. But due to my uncontrollable lack of vocabulary when I'm talked to in person I’m slightly afraid of that day...if there would ever be that day.

Getting your comic was has its own story. If you ever do talk to me I will try to be as honest as possible. Like you I like to lie. Maybe not for the same reason. Maybe we could start a conversation on that. My reason is because through my life there wasn’t ever anything different about it. So I made lies...but the bad part is I’ve lost myself somewhere. I don’t know what is true or not and there is only altered past to reflect on. Example: in 1st grade I bit a boy for chasing me. That one part became "I bit him for the taste of blood". There even more was added to “I was a strange little girl; I would bite everyone for blood in 1st grade. People would call me "the biter" (lack of originality I know) everyone was scared of me." Actually in 1st grade I was humiliated every day. They didn’t run screaming in fear of a little smirk, they would laugh. Hmmm... I hope I don’t turn this into a 'Moments that Hurt, the life of Marcie" thing.

Well I’m sure you are quite tired of reading this block of test, hard to stop typing. It's past 11... I don’t image I’ll being going to sleep anytime soon. I like to sleep because I can stop thinking and just watch my thoughts form into dreams. But what I don’t like is waiting for it. I lay their...just thinking. Things I’ve said, things I could have said all play out. One night I actually imagined I meet you at a convention and you were signing books. I slide in front of the person next and told you I am fascinated by your mind and I would like to talk to you person to person. You were curious at what would happen and asked if I would like to stay behind the table until you had time. I couldn’t get past the people standing around your table so I crawled under the table and stood up on my knees and folded my arm on the table and watched the people come up and expectantly exclaim. "Homage Yoh-han I luv yooouuuu" You’d give an annoyed sigh, perhaps correct your name. I glared up at them for pronouncing your name wrong. And the best part is that I’d stick out from everyone else. No piercing, no dyed hair, no chains, no spikes, no black make up. Just a bright natural orange haired girl with a black blouse from Wal-Mart and black cargo pants from Cato's.

Hmmm... Maybe my white and black socks from hot topic. I like them but I slightly resented them because they were from such a commercialized overpriced over popular store. And for the brief moment I was in there just as they all were. I felt so...indifferent...Hey I got off track on my story. Well I was done anyway. OK it's time to edit, correct, and re-read my bad grammar. I have the decency to eliminate the retardation to the best of my ability. Before I start typing again I shall suddenly stop and eliminate the urge…wait wait….ok….almost…*suddenly stops*

(French)FICTION: Phantasny

un jeune garcon par le nom de Reyal faisait de la randonnée  par la forêt de Phantasny. une série de avec affectation, normal  occurrences a commencé à arriver. Il n'a pas fait promenade sur l'eau. Le eau était devenu liquide encore une fois. Il n'a pas fait baignade par les nuages. Ils aussi, rendu en arrière à normal et rendu au ciel. Reyal a été troublé par cela. Normalement, ou inhabituel je pourrait dire, sur ses randonnées il parlerait avec le lily fleur  et  trajet sur les pierres marchant en bas le violet ruisseau. La magie s'est épuisée de la forêt de Phantasny doit avoir égoutté. La feuille pas un seul n'a volé pour proposer une boisson de l'eau, Reyal ne pouvait pas même entendre des conversations

des hibous étant chuchotés dans les arbres. Les montagnes n'étaient pas le fait d'influencer avec la chanson, et le poisson n'était pas danse dans leur jupes de hula. Reyal

même manqué le plaintes de larves en étant sur le point beaucoup de sel dans le sol.  Cette randonnée était devenue désagréable à Reyal. Il n'a plus voulu être dans le forêt non plus. Ses cheveux vert foncé a commencé à se faner au marron. Ses yeux étaient profondément pourpres, maintenant ils sont gris. Il est parti Phantansy et a marché dans le sentier de Normalitia.

FICTION: Luniania

"Luniania!” called mother. "Luniania! Come here this second!" she shouted again. Yeah I heard her, but did I really want to go to her with that tone in her voice? No, that's right. I knew why she wanted me. I wasn't my fault my little brother, Aluie, believed me when I said you could fly if you jumped spinning your arms. Luckily he tried it off the couch instead of the building where I told him too. Right now I was in my secret place, no one could find me. It was a secret room I found while putting the clothes in the closet. I moved here just a couple of months ago. Mother said there was a war about to go on in our old village, so she decided to move us to the human world. Mother was a common witch with physic abilities. I was not blessed with this gift; I got my dad’s side of the gene pool. There was still a possibility of me becoming a witch one day. I am a little older then when most witches get their power, but there’s still a chance. In my secret room there were old books and little treasures that people from a past family left. This was a big change from the cottage mother, Aluie, and I lived in.

FICTION: The Thing About Grangirs Chapter 1

Another crash in the library sent the Students jumping. It was a lock down in the school, the 3rd this year. A lock down was when all the lights would go out and the doors would lock and it meant another creature has invaded the schools walls. The creature today was a Grangir, the worst of all the monsters that roamed outside of the barrier. Grangir's were towering creatures with long arms and short legs, it resembled the human world ape, it  a circular mouth lined with sharp fangs and a tongue that was as a bulls horn to stab it's prey. It was moldy green and shaggy long moss like hair, it smelt also, with a stench of rotten animals. One of the Mysticals had locked the creature in the library as it was roaming for children to eat.

I, of course, being the brave one that I was, was responsible for this tragedy. But let me explain, it was a dare. You see, how could I pass a dare? I was to go outside of the gates, catch a muis and bring it back without being caught. I got the little white puff by the leg too but then I heard the stomp of the fists of the massive Grangir’s in the soft soil. As I turned I could see it was 5 feet away on the other side of a bush. I knew that once it saw me it would attack without thought. I quickly ran, lightly, swiftly, but slightly clumsy. So I should say that

I smacked right into a tree. It heard the loud thud of my hard head against the tree and spun around and spotted me. I jumped up and screamed to the children waiting for me at the gates to

Open up. They were planning to play a trick and lock me out but when they saw what was chasing me they barley opened the gate and ran for the castle. I slipped through the little crack they left for me and turned thinking I was safe. I was wrong...soooo wrong. The Grangir was not scared of the spell the mystics placed on the gate, he threw open the gate cracking it in half still blasting at me. I made it through the front entrance of the dorm noticing the mystic guards were waiting for it.

FICTION: The Thing About Grangirs Chapter 2

They stood with their staffs ready, already glowing with unimanagable power. I ran to the head mastermystic's chamber, the most protected of any room power. The thing with grangers is that once it sees something it is going to attack it only wants to kill that thing. No matter how much the mystic guard would hit it, it would continue to search for me until it loses interest or it dies.

The mystic guards blasted their greatest spells ranging from air to electricity, at the granger power. It howled in pain and thrashed about trying to break loose the holding spells various mystic teaches power. The granger's long arms reaching in front of it are self-clawing the stone floor trying to move forward and end the chase I started. Students have all gathered at the doors of the classroom and scrambled over each other to peer out the round window started. Only the brave cracked open the door to hear the low echoing howls power.

Through the broken gates, a long slay, white and made of the sea's pearl silk, made it way to the front entrance of the castle. The head mastermystic’s had arrived back from her visit of the Hewathia forest power. She was angered at the site of the Grangir through the entrance power. She stepped out of the slay with the back of her gown floating barely above the grounded. Not to ruin it. She quickly summoned her staff from the chamber I was currently cowering In. it reached the door and phased through it quickly and flew through the halls, swung around the guard and attached itself to the head mastermystic's hand. She swooped the staff around and made the library door fly open. She pushed the Grangir into the library with unmanageable force and locked it behind it. The granger was weak and torn from the spells it barely moved but still able to kill. Head mastermystic’s causally phased through the libraries doors and a few crashes of book could be heard power. It went silent; the students migrated from the classrooms and crowded around the library doors power. Another crash was heard the students jumped. I made my way out of the chamber still shaken.

FICTION: Magee and Rolof

“What do you mean Blez would accept the bairn?” Rolof’s arms flew to the air and hung upside down on the low willow’s branch. ”She is but a wee one an’ a stubborn mule at that!” He crossed his arms in a huff. “As I said Rolof, she is a special child with great power; Blez finds it a challenge to train her.” Magee pulled Rolof’s foot and he fell to the grass face first. He let out an unpleasant grunt picking his self-up. ”Why are you in such a fret about it?” She added climbing up to sit were Rolof’s once hung. He leaned on the branch crossing his ankles and arms and pouted. ”You know very well, my sweet Magee, I wanted tae work with the great Blez, why should that little…child have the privilege!” Magee smirked, “You selfish imp, you know you don’t have the power!” Rolof glared at her a moment then smirked also. ”Aye with that you be right.”
 A great horn sliced through the air. Rolof and Magee jumped in alarm. Magee grinned wide, Rolof didn’t. Magee jumped down from the tree and gripped Rolof’s wrist. “Rolof!” Magee exclaimed, “ Rolof! The Wizard is here!” Rolof rolled his eyes and allowed him to be dragged by the petit fair girl. He had not the slightest idea why all the girls swooned of the “Powerful and handsome” Wizard. He frowned with this thought but kept up. He was a skinny lanky boy with pointed ears and a crooked tooth. He had longish curly brown locks and hazel eyes. His skin was tan, and rough. He was a Moore Child’s spawn. Mischievous and deserving, the Moore Children are, he is but a fraction.

Magee was quite the opposite, which made them look like an odd couple walking beside each other. She had fair pale skin, almost translucent. She had a soft round face that seemed to always be flushed. Her hair was the most unique part of her. It was long in a braid and nearly white. It grew far quicker than any other girl’s. Her eyes were bright blue, “pools from the sea”, many people have said. She was short, nearly five feet tall, and dainty, almost fragile.

Rolof reflected on their first memory together as he watched her let go of his wrist and run ahead to the crowd in the street.

Magee was playing in the Fairy Field, only a child of 7. She came across a fox hole and heard a shuffle inside.  When she stuck her hand in, she found a little Rolof, mangy and filthy. He clung to her from that day, always by her side.

Tribute to John Tenta Sr. and Jr. (2005)

This is a tribute to John Tenta Jr. and Big John Tenta. I have been a part of their family for nearly 3 years. The thing is, I have never seen John or his family in person. I Meet John Tenta Jr. on an old site called coke music in 2003 winter break. John was 10; though for a year and a half he laid saying he was 16. I was 13 when I meet him and we talked nearly every day on coke music.

 After a while I convinced him to get yahoo IM so I wouldn’t have to be on coke music just to talk to him.  We talked everyday on there and we knew pretty much everything. I got him out of the habit of saying sorry so much that is still with him today. I've been there was John from when he lived in Florida and that crush on Taylor to his new apartment in Texas and his girlfriend Maryam. Used to John would let me listen to his rock music for hours but I hardly ever did. I listened to his dad watch TV then his sister coming by and poking john or saying hi Marcie. One time John forgot to turn off his microphone and heard the family get around the table and eats dinner. They laughed and talked, told about each other’s day and joked around. While I was listening to john music another day his whole family got in a super ball fight. John’s sister threw a super ball at johns head then john got one and threw it and it hit his dad and everything went from there. Their family was a picture perfect one or the most functional family I ever encountered.

 John told me about his dads wrestling carrier though he was there to experience it like his older brother and sister did. I searched John Tenta and I found so much information on the Internet. He was the first most successful sumo wrestler in Japan. He was from Canada. He was in a wrestling team called "the natural disasters" before he made a solo carrier. Then he went to WCW as Shark, later avalanche. Then he became the most famous wrestler I heard of, Golgi, when he went back to WWC. He was featured in South Park, had action figures, and featured in some wresting games. I remember his trademark was an Eric Cart man plushy. His life outside the ring was hardly bothered.

 John Tanta’s life outside the ring a few years out of the public eye he had personal struggles. His family supported him through many health boundaries. In 2004 John Tenta was diagnosed with cancer. It was cancer of the bladder which spread to his lungs and tailbone. John and his family headed to Houston, Texas for him to check into the hospital there. John yr. and the rest of the family other than his older brother stayed in a motel that whole summer. John Jr. brought his laptop to keep in touch with his friends at home and still talk to me. I was there for him every day, I even downloaded aim for him when he couldn’t download yahoo on his laptop. I drew him a picture on MS paint with my then obsession called “Bobby’s”. I made him describe what he was wearing and what his hair looked like and even the carpet of the hotel floor to draw him a self-portrait blobby. He loved those things and he still has them saved to his computer to this day.

 His family decided to move to Houston, Texas to stay close to the hospital. I didn’t talk to him for about a month while they were moving things between Florida and Texas. Once I did it was like a homecoming, he had things to tell me that he has been waiting to tell me for a month. He described his house, the school he was going to, and his neighborhood. It sounded picture perfect and couldn’t be any more fitting for the family.

 The summer of 2005 I nearly got to meet them. I even saw their house and they were inside. But before that John and I got in a huge fight. He didn’t want me to meet him because he had something to tell me but he just couldn’t.  I was close to Houston, Texas because I have a lot of family there. My dad had a couple of cousins that worked at NASA and we were going to stay at their house for a week. I was determined to meet john and I even bought new clothes. I found his address on a people searching site then found the directions on map quest. My dad wasn’t for it but he was ready to go if I was. When we got to my dad’s cousins house I got on their computer automatically and emailed john saying I was as close as 23 miles to him. He emailed me back yelling. We nearly stopped talking forever right then, but I was too stubborn. I told him that he was too important in my life not to meet him in person. He said if I couldn’t handle the fact that he didn’t want to meet then we shouldn’t be friends any more. I backed down. I told him if that was going to happen I could wait to meet him. My dad surprised me the last day there and started going off the highway home. I asked where we were going and he said you wanted to see your friend right? I told him that I decided I couldn’t meet him; daddy was just as stubborn as me. He set up the GPS system to go straight to john’s house. I didn’t complain though, I was too curious to see my best friend’s house. We went through a nice neighborhood full of kids on their bikes and kids at the playground. There at the end of a cul-de-sac was John Tanta’s house. It was a little small from the front and had a little front yard. There was a big bush in front of a big open window. I nearly suck to the floor but peering over the window. Daddy threaten the honk the horn or get out and knock on the door, I nearly cried telling him don’t. He didn’t and we just drove away back on the highway.

 When back home I told john what happened, John was really glad I didn’t knock on the door. I ask again why he couldn’t tell me what he had to tell me. He said I don’t ever drop anything. So I stopped asking. After that I meet John’s friend Andrew. Andrew once told me that john was in 6^th grade…I over reacted so Andrew said it was a joke. I told john about it and he used my trust in him to not believe Andrew. Andrew got fed up John lying to me to he showed me a conversation on aim were John didn’t deny he wasn’t 12. He confessed to me when I showed him that piece of proof and said it would be ok with him if I didn’t ever want to talk to him again. I told him age doesn’t matter anymore. John was mad at Andrew for a very long time.

 I am 15 now and John turned 13 back on March 12^th. I'm still the same from when we meet but he went off and got his first girlfriend. I was there to help if he wanted to ask something about girls and didn’t want to ask his girlfriend. I got him out of a lot of tight spot while they were fighting and he needed something smart to say. Through the summer though they’ve only talked to each other on AIM. John makes a perfect boyfriend somewhat he tells me. Just Like I thought he would. He found a great girl that can keep up with his silliness. But if she hurts him I’ll...*twitch*…. she just better not.

 Yesterday was 6-6-06. On a forum site called Gaia Online I made many threads about how that day would symbolize to some people the mark of the beast and how things bad are going to happen because of the people that believed in that. I didn’t expect something like my dear friends father dyeing. It surprised me how fast that kind of news can hit you. It got me thinking about what I was saying to him. And how much I didn’t think while saying things. To me I sounded like some person that standing there and nods and looks said while people are crying because what I’ve said sounded so planned out. These things we say and how we say them, it all goes back to what we picked up. We have an assumption that the things other people say in a time of grieving is all we can say. But the thing is we have nothing else to say but what we learned. Because though that death is in the world every day we don’t have to personally deal with it until it is in our way. I wanted what I say have at least an ounce of originality buts it’s not in me. This is when online chatting become the coldest. I was with him always as words and that was the most I could give him. I know now I am not more than just words to him. And I have always been a real person apart of John’s life and his family’s. Just as John was a part of my daily conversation for these years we spent together, my family made him apart of us. We have affected each other’s lives and it seems the day we will stop talking will never come. And I hope it won’t ever come. Though threw time things and people change memories held dear won’t fade. John Tenta Sr. is no longer here with us but the happy memories with him will stay with his family, his fans, his friends, and some girl in Arkansas that is close to his son. I’ll end this tribute and bibliography saying John Tenta was a great man that changed lives and his son will grow to be just as great and just as kind. Thank you for being a part of my life as well as many others, both of you.

Slave holders Thomas Jefferson and Rudyard Kipling (Sept. 3rd, 2009)

Our topic of Thursday’s confluence meeting was the impressions of slavery through literature. We read works by slave holders Thomas Jefferson and Rudyard Kipling. They made assumptions about their slaves and Africans that stuck with them their whole life. Both felt they were superior as white males. They assumed that Africans are grateful to be working for white men. Jefferson could not understand why they were a different color. He felt that they themselves were repulsed by their color. In his logic, black people preferred white people since white were more beautiful. He compared this to an orangutan (organotin) chasing after black females. This was probably based on some rumor since orangutans are not located in Africa. Kipling expressed a more European Christian approach. In his poem the white man’s burden he explained that Africans were people made up of half-child and half-devil. Europeans should civilize these people and teach them religion. His view was based on the churches justification of slavery. They were just educating the wild men and bringing them out of the deserts. But with any disobedient child they must be beaten to “help” them. Jefferson had only the chance to see Africans born into slavery. His perception was very narrow and the least informed. From observing his slaves he began to classify traits to the whole African culture. He could see in the winter that they were more tolerant to heat then cold. Anyone would be so also if they were given as much clothes as the slaves had the wear. He would see his slaves stay up after midnight and he saw this as instinctual. When he noticed that their anger response was calmer then a white person would be he thought it came natural. It seems to me this was because they were oppressed. Lastly he explained why they were inferior because a sign of an imagination was not the be seen. This was the ignorance shown by observing broken slavery born peoples.

 In 1963, Malcolm X became a well-known black rights activist. His mission was to get compensation for all black Americans for over 400 years of slavery. Unfortunately, it was an extremist

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That never saw hard labor in his life. His take on life was, if you are not a Black Muslim then you are the inferior peoples.  He was promoting that all African Americans should go back to Africa and completely segregate themselves from whites.  There were conditions though. America must provide land, supplies, and money to live comfortably. If that could not happen, African Americans should be given their own part of the country here. Integration of public places and school would not be near enough for the suffering. His opinions were not widely shared through the black community. Many felt that it was unrealistic.

 Colonialism was a time in which Europeans would go to Africa in hopes of civilizing the natives and promote Christianity. It could be said that there are still versions of this today. Though maybe this time, Africans weren't brought back as slaves. For some reason Christians believe they must educate them about their religion. There are even fights of religion by trying to convert as many they can before the Catholics come or something else. This somewhat proves that they are telling these people that they are primitive. Anything that they do not understand about a culture they must change to fit their views. I do not think this is justifiable since I believe in adversity in the world. If they get their way, what evidence would there be of any individualized culture in the future?

Cut off from Civilization (Oct. 18th, 2009)

Thursday I went home during fall break. I decided to spend my hour of meditation in my very own safe haven I created for myself years ago. Behind my house there is a large horse field that had long since been deserted. Fortunately it had stopped storming Thursday and Friday was warm and sunny. I got some essentials. I loaded up the 3-wheeler with a lawn chair, sunglasses, and towel. I made some necessary calls to my boyfriend and my grandmother and Grandfather That I would be out of touch for an hour. Last but not least equipped myself with a wrist watch. I left my cellphone on the coffee table and off I went on my tiny adventure. It was a short 5 minute drive to the farthest reaches of my field. I found my bearer of stones from years past and got beneath the old pine tree. Here I sat on my little lawn chair and began to listen.

 Wind whistled between the pine needles above. The slight scrapping of each one made a dry orchestra play. Something rustled beyond the barb wire fence. What is it? A deer? A rabbit? A squirrel scampers to the other side of the tree when we make eye contact. The sun is hot now, on my arm. It's tempting my freckled skin to burn. I knew I should have brought sunscreen. Oh what a pretty sky today. That cloud looks like a t-rex from the side. Buzzing, beside my ear. I hope there are not mosquitoes out. It is too cold for them I think. Snakes too. But I could see a snake if it were hiding in the flat pine needles. I wonder if snake poke their eyes on blades of grass. Hey, do animals have their own curses? A deep breath. I remember this smell. This smells like autumn, it does. That hay ride years ago was a nightmare. I was older then all those kids. Why did grandma make me dress like a gothic bride? That entire long black wig was for was for toddlers to get their gummy shoes on. I wonder what the college will do for Halloween. I see a shiny blade of grass. It's flickering as the wind blows now. It would be funny if a crow was fooled by this trick blade of grass.  I showed mow it. I should mow all of this land and flatten it like I always wanted it too. I bet I could find trees in that long grass. Something just bit my foot. I hope I killed whatever it was with my smack. There is that hole I dug with my best friend back in 4^th grade. We never did cover it and try to trick my dog to step on it. Now that I think of it, if the horse had found it back here I could have been in big trouble. Winds blows through the trees, clothes, and hair. The sun does not warm up the body the same time the wind blows. No amount of power the sun has out there; our wind can slip away its tingly warmth. I should remember that for the paper later. Let's see, ok 23 minutes has gone by. Just uh... I can't do math. I'll get it. Hey it would have been handy to use my calculator on my cellphone. Why that sounded extremely shallow. A cloud covers the sunlight for a very long time. Who was the first painter to see the clouds as more than just white? Darn it, what was that movie I saw with Paul. Quiet....Quiet... What is that? I see something moving out there. The sunlight shone again. Tree limbs painted cold blue shadows over the back of the little brown rabbit. Oh, is that two? I wonder what they eat. I hope they are not drawn to my uncle’s deer corn. I do not want to see them killed. Oh crap...I am not wearing my orange vest. K ok, is it deer season? Let’s see it's cold, they always come out when it's cold. The hunters. Why would there be deer corn out if it wasn't deer season. Oh I hate how people kill deer. How much time has passed? 2:54 p.m.’s I had been out here for about 45 minutes. Well I was safe when I wasn't thinking about my orange vest so I am still fine. My tapping foot makes the carpet of pine needles make shushing sounds at me. Do animals tell humans to be quiet?  Whoa weird thought. It's going to be hard to remember everything I thought. I got to repeat it all in my head and then it'll be time to go I bet.

 Well I packed up my things around 3:20 and headed back home. First thing I did was check my phone for missed call. One, my grandma leaving a marathon long voice mail saying to call because she fixed supper for me. I called her back and reminded her where I was. I got on my dad’s computer to see if it was deer season. I learned they categorized it by what kind of guns can be used while hunting and zones. Oh I missed learning facts from the internet so much. Meditation is still nice though.

Marriage Equality (Oct. 30th, 2009)

Same-sex marriage has been rolling over and over in our minds since the Egyptian period. More then likely it was an issue even before that but never could be documented.  To say the least it is no new concept. According to AaronsGayInfo.com there had been many instances of a homosexual partnership or marriage.  A homosexual couple by the names of  Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep were joined in death together.  It was a tomb built for them and to be be together after death signified an almost marriage like approach. This was the 24th century BCE. It was not the last historical evidence of gay marriage either. In the 7th century, 17 centuries after, men in Greece formed life long partnerships but it was not recognized as a marriage. Around this same time, the first record of two women love were in the form of love letters by Sappho of Lesbos. Obviously this is where the term Lesbian had come from. Not until 27 BCE a formal marriage was recorded under Roman law. Two Roman Emperors publicly married men but their status would be revoked if caught being intimate. In the 1st century, Nero ,emperor of Rome, goes the extra step to marry two men ceremonially. 100 years later the emperor Elagabalus married a well known athlete Zoticus. But not 50 years later, things began turning sour on same-sex marriage. Churches began to abolish homosexuals. The first law ever passed against it was by Christian emperors Constantius II and Constans.  This began a long line of outlawing homosexual couples.

Less then one half of Americans today support gay marriage. The first time homosexuality was recorded in America was May 24, 1610. The Virginia colony passed a law which made the act of sodomy punishable by death. Not until 1961 American Law Institute's Model Penal Code removed the sodomy law. According to infoplease.com, by 1969 psychologist removed homosexuality as a mental disorder. A big step was when laws were made to include sexual orientation in the discrimination act. Homosexuals gained rights like heterosexuals have except marriage. More then 57 percent of Americans oppose gay marriage according to the Gallop Polls. Religion, traditions, the definition of marriage, and homophobia are key preventers of same sex marriages. It is up to individual states to legalize gay marriage. But so far, just 9 out of 50 states has legalized it. This means that if the married couple travels out of that state, their marriage would not be honored. The first homosexual couple to get married was two women in San Francisco in 2004. Many countries are way ahead of us on same-sex marriage. In 2004 Canada legalized gay marriage for the whole country, along with the Netherlands and Belgium to name a few. Most of the greatest American political leaders don't support gay marriage, so it's unlikely that are country as a whole will ever support or recognize it.

There are many people working for legalization of same-sex marriage. On Procon.org, it listed many valuable points towards gay marriage. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force explained that marriage is not about religious affiliation. “Same-sex couples are often emotionally and economically interdependent, sharing household and financial responsibilities, and often raising children or taking care of other family members together. ” Being married like heterosexual couples could give them freedoms such as hospital visitation and financial benefits. This could make a two parent home for the hundreds of children who need homes. Stanley Kurtz wrote about a man named Andrew Sullivan who was a British-born politician who campaigned for same-sex marriage. He was conservative and he explained his position on gay marriage. Marriage, he proclaimed, is an institution worthy of preservation, and society is correct to extend legal advantages to couples who choose to live under its formal sanction. In other words, they live in America so they should be given the same benefits of marriage as other Americans. Another good point to take into consideration is the fact that the American government is separate from the ideologies and moral views of Religion. The definition of marriage is a union between a man and a woman as stated in ancient law books. Most who truly believed that were ignorant of anything other then a man and woman loving each other. The times have changed and now equal rights to all should be given to homosexuals.

More then half of Americans oppose gay marriage. Their arguments are that it is against nature of humanity and against God and the bible. Many justify their opinion in gods name. Catholic churches protest the union openly. They state that homosexuals are immoral and anyone who supports them are immoral also. Political groups are against gay marriage also. In an article by secular liberals Susan Shell, she defends that not all liberals are supporting gay marriage. She finds that a same sex marriage threatens family ideals and homosexuality is a temptation that halts the search for god. Contrary belief often uses children as a leeway. Those who feel homosexuality is caused by nurture also feel that a same-sex couple who will raise children to become gay. The sex that is the majority to object homosexuality the most are males. Homophobia is a common excuse to not support equal rights for gay Americans. Some people say that is gay marriage is legalized it could give way to people who want to marry inanimate objects or animals. Homosexuality is grouped as a sexual perversion more than a life style.

Gay marriage right now is the topic of our generation. Presidents Obama's promises of more gay rights have sparked much debate. History is in the making for homosexuals. Same-sex marriage has been a concept since before the world saw Christianity. White christian Europeans traveled to America with the values of the church. Under their own government they began to establish laws against homosexuals. Not into over a hundred years later, people began to reestablish the government to acknowledge that homosexuals exist. Gay began to express themselves for what they truly were. Many people pushed against them but they all had one valid point. They were Americans with rights just like everyone else. Our country is split in two, pro-gay and anti-gay, which has distracted us from the important issues. Right now discrimination against Americans is being allowed by the country. Same-sex marriage has not been legalized in the United States, thus our government is oppressing a single minority. To the rest of the worlds standards we have not progressed much from the laws of the colonists.