What is existence? Is it reality as one knows it? is it limited to our perception of reality? does each individual have a vastly different view of how life itself is lived?,portrayed?........is each individual reality absolute, or is there but one? or are all realities....what occurs when these realities and counter realities interact, cross over, and/or go into flux? do past,present, and future tense collide?....or become warped beyond on's own imagination? what one does not know does not exist, until one is cast headlong into one's own destiny.............
A general sense of contempt:(1/11/2006)
I don’t kill people.
Perhaps it's just another inhibition to do away with. Perhaps not. There’s really no way of telling. It’s possible I’ve just never been able to well up so much interest in any person to care enough to end their life. I’d much rather avoid them altogether. Most of them. It’s night, the sky is beautiful. Up and away from this room and this bed and this oppressive inevitability of sleep. I hate sleep. But sleep always comes (that or madness). Fighting off heavy eyelids gets lonely. But spending time this way does allow you some insight on certain things, though perhaps trivial, as most things tend to be. You begin to get very familiar with mortal compilations and you begin to resent those who turn their things into laughable theatrics, and twist it into yet another fashion. It’s not skull-buckle boots, or white makeup put on bad skin. It all loses its significance once you cheapen it by making into a style thing. But with all these irritations present I still maintain my stupendously sunny deposition. Having predominantly unpleasant thought is just another thing to accept normality, and eventually becomes part of the blood that fuels you. It’s all very amusing. But. In no way does it render you invulnerable to the effects of a bad day. But I’ve managed this nicely. I mean, well I still haven’t killed anyone.
Human Relations: (1/11/2006)
I can’t say I hate very many people specifically: so few seem real enough to deserve that level of attention. Certainly, though, there are soon good people out there, somewhere. It’s just that, here, in a world of patterns, it’s so rare to really feel anything from anyone. Connections are difficult. There’s an irritation in being among people who’ve found there connection, and finding that those left who haven’t are undesirable as the void they would be replacing. The numbing mind-ream of knowing your alone not because people wont accept you, but because you find so little worth accepting. An imposed solitude is better than simply tolerating your company in waiting for something better. So loneliness is not such a terrible thing when you consider that the alternative to thought provoking solace is to be surrounded only reminders of why that solitude is preferable. I’d take film and music over blurry mass of faces i've encountered. People begin to look like mere fleshy reaction machines: passionless and dead. But this is all in my own head; I can’t claim to be arrogant enough to be certain of any particular perception. After all, reality is what we make it. It’s just unfortunate that the general population has made it so unpleasant. I’m meandering.
I can’t say I hate very many people specifically: so few seem real enough to deserve that level of attention. Certainly, though, there are soon good people out there, somewhere. It’s just that, here, in a world of patterns, it’s so rare to really feel anything from anyone. Connections are difficult. There’s an irritation in being among people who’ve found there connection, and finding that those left who haven’t are undesirable as the void they would be replacing. The numbing mind-ream of knowing your alone not because people wont accept you, but because you find so little worth accepting. An imposed solitude is better than simply tolerating your company in waiting for something better. So loneliness is not such a terrible thing when you consider that the alternative to thought provoking solace is to be surrounded only reminders of why that solitude is preferable. I’d take film and music over blurry mass of faces i've encountered. People begin to look like mere fleshy reaction machines: passionless and dead. But this is all in my own head; I can’t claim to be arrogant enough to be certain of any particular perception. After all, reality is what we make it. It’s just unfortunate that the general population has made it so unpleasant. I’m meandering.
Answer to life: (2/16/2006)
You people aren’t worth my Knowledge of the things right
before you face. So oblivious is the world, wrapped up in there own pain to not
see others. I know the meaning of life. There isn’t one. We are here by the
chances of being in the right place and time of the universe. Religion is our
own creation used to give people the easy answers before philosophy and science
was discovered. Hope of a better world if you play by the rules of a false
belief. The world needs religion to keep it alive, to make it thrive in
existence. Those who fight against it are the fools, you can’t change people
from thousand-year-old paths carved into minds passing from one to another
through childish influence. Don’t pity those who embrace the truth of no
meaning to this existence. Families disowning their children to this day. Minds
so poisoned with lies and over elaboration of life after death. Let the beliefs
stand, death will elude us. These things I have told you many ears cant
decipher for people need a reason and a god to live and fester.
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